I was talking with a picturesquely grizzled old employee, and I mentioned that I didn’t understand why there was so much foofraw about cuddling the damn koalas. I’d now seen it done several times, to a variety of koalas, and I have to say that said koalas were pretty much oblivious to the whole thing. He nodded sagely and lowered his voice. “It’s what you call a prophylactic measure,” he said. “We make it against the law to touch them, because too many people were punching them.” I think my jaw actually dropped at this. He sighed and looked around furtively. Then, seeing that we were alone, he delivered a short, hard punch to the nose of the koala that had been dozing in the tree before us. The koala’s head reared back, it looked even more befuddled that usual, and then these enormous golden tears began welling from its’ eyes. The old guy swiped a finger through a tear and then before I knew what the hell he was doing, flicked it into my still open mouth.
It…it was the most amazing thing I have ever tasted. It was…it was the celestial essence of- “Butterscotch.” The old guy confirmed. “The first bloke who discovered it spent thirteen years trying to duplicate it, and he was never really happy with the result. But if you’ve never actually punched one of these little guys, you’d never have cause to complain.” But I know now, and I’ll never be able to eat butterscotch again. Thanks a bunch, sir.
Yeeesss, this song’s been stuck in my head since I started watching the Louis C.K. TV series. Just like everyone else.
But I have to give propers to Glueslabs because he’s the dude who, when I asked for comedy albums to listen on a road trip last year, not only suggested Louis C.K., but was nice enough to let me borrow some Louis C.K. to listen to on that road trip. So thanks, friend! Much appreciated.
Now, get this effing SONG OUT OF MY HEAD NOW. Graaar!
*A band from the US called Storiesalso covered this song, which is the version I know I was more familiar with and is clearly what they’re going off of in the actual show intro, but the Hot Chocolate version is the original and after listening to both, I CHOOSE YOU HOT CHOCOLATE, I CHOOSE YOU.
“It is oil. Hash oil. Look.” He dug into his bag and pulled out a square of tinfoil and a small plastic straw. “Watch.” He opened the bottle, dipped the straw into it and painted a thick black mark on the tinfoil. “It’s like this.” He flicked a lighter and held the tinfoil over the flame until the oil bubbled and small gray wisps of smoke began to rise. Then, he tossed the lighter on the table, placed the straw in his mouth and took a deep breath, gathering up all the smoke he could.
I did exactly as shown. And then this song came on.